Norfolk marriage counseling
Vanessa, 30 years 

, is struggling with whether 
not to end her 





marriage. The 




is not at all 



to her.
Vanessa and Jon 


a ?good? marriage. 


are kind 

caring with each other. They 



many of the same 




.
So 

is Vanessa in 


turmoil over whether to stay or 



?
The 





is that Vanessa is very 




with Jon. 


are good friends, 

they are not emotionally intimate. Jon 

no desire to 



any of 

feelings with Vanessa, nor does 
have any desire to understand 






feelings. He is content to keep 








on the 





, while Vanessa wants a 




emotional connection.
Since 


have many good th
gs 
their marriage, Vanessa 

decided to 

marriage counseling, and Jon has 




. Counseling or not, there is 


one thing that can 


this marriage ? 

and Vanessa shifting out of 



intent to protect against pain and 


an intent to 



about what is loving to themselves 




other.
Jon's intent has 




been to 





against pain rather than to learn 



being loving to himself 

others. He 

done this by numbing 

his feeling with marijuana and 


.
Jon's choice to 






to protect 





pain or to begin to open to 






from 

feelings will determine the outcome of 

counseling.






, too, has operated with the intent 
protect against pain. She 

ignored her own 






and been a ?good? 


, submerging her own needs 
comply with what Jon 




. But at 


point, she shifted her intent to learning about 


is 




to herself, and 

she realizes she cannot continue in an emotionally 










marriage.


issues in your relationship 

be about 







distance, lack of passion, sexual problems, 






fighting, emotional abuse, (if there 
physical abuse, then 

must find a way to 



), or being 


financially. There may 
control and resistance 







around many different issues. 

the underlying issue is a lack 
open and caring 











.
And open communication 


occurs when both people have a 


intention to learn about 










, fears, limiting beliefs, and 







unloving behavior. If one 
both people in a relationship are closed 
learning about themselves 

each other, the relationship 


not heal.
If you 

thinking about leaving 


relationship, first think about your 






. Are you open to 






about your feelings, beliefs and behavior? Or, 

you devoted to 








against pain with anger, withdrawal, 








or caretaking? Are you 






your feelings with 








and activities, or are you opening 
learning from your feelings 

exploring 






with a process such as the 



Bonding process that we teach? 

first thing 

need to do is 


with your own 




.
Once you are open to 






for a 




of months, and really 



your inner work, then re-evaluate 


relationship. Has 






changed? Is your partner more or less 


to 

? Are 

talking more 

fighting or withdrawing less?

things are not getting better 
are getting worse, then 
is time 
ask your partner if he 
she is willing to 
some healing work with 

? through counseling, 







, and reading books together. 
your partner refuses to 




on a learning journey with 

, then it is clear that 


relationship will 

change.
At this point, 

need to either 



accept it 
it is or leave it. It 


not become 

relationship you want it to 
unless both of you are open 
learning.

one norfolk marriage iss counseling or 









remain in the intent to protect, the relationship 


not heal. Yet most 











can be healed 


both people 

deeply devoted to learning about loving themselves 

each other.
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